![[wiseguys.jpg]](files/replays/stokermania/wiseguys.jpg "wiseguys.jpg")
Alright, da first round is decided on, and wit dis being my tourney of course dere's a little betting action going on the side. Now I know everyone is chomping at da bit to see the Admiral's odds on favorites for dis one, so without further ado, I give you the Admiral's picks and odds on favorite for da first round of Stokermania.
Becuse some incompetant foo slaved away for hours to make this site editable by all, you get to hear my (Visser) picks too.
Because typh gives great head, we're bringing you temp's tottaly biased picks!
Because it's not like I (Magnum) have a shot at the Baseball Hall of Fame anyway, I'll bet against my team.
Because there is no reason for me not to, I, Mack, am offering my not-so-expert analysis as well.
Because I crave attention, I, Phigment the Phantabulous, am also throwing in my metaphorical two cents.
Because I have nothing else to do, the great and powerful Dark_T_Zeratul shall now make up odds for these matches.
Hello, said Romulus!
For some reason, Phoenix also said stuff!
ROUND 1
Magnum & Phigment vs. Bakjak & Visser
STOKER: Phigment is da one dat taught me da game, and Magnum is da game...well, from the times I've played him in Starcraft he's pretty close to da game. I have no idea what I'm talking about here, but it don't matter, Team Phignum is gonna kick ass.4:1 odds dat Phignum stomps an old fashion Texas mudhole in 'em.
DINE: The awesomeness that is Phigment will clearly make this a win/win situation, for him and magnum.
VISSER: Well, its not especially polite to tip yourself, but I think we will win :P
MAGNUM: Visser and Bakjak are going to spank us harder than Phal's mom at a sorority initiation. 2:1 odds they don't.
MACK: I've played many a game alongside of Magnum and Phigment, and I've played many a game alongside of Visser and Bakjak. Strangely, I think that I won more with Mag and Phig than I ever won with Visser and Bakjak. But I think that's because I suck. In the end, while I have no doubt that Magnum's human forces and Phigment's orc forces will have plenty of pluck, I think that will be because they get tarred and feathered and then have the feathers plucked. Visser and Bakjak by a game.
PHIGMENT: This game is locked up so tightly that I may not even bother showing up. The terrible and awe-inspiring synergy of the Phigment/Magnum pairing is enough to make even the most jaded gamer weep. Besides which, there's the simple fact that only one team in this match-up has Phigment on it, and Phigment is widely believed to be invincible. 2^32:1 in favor of Phigment and Magnum.
DARK_T_ZERATUL: I've heard tales of Magnum's greatness, tales that are only shadowed by those of Phigment's greatness. 1.5:1 in favor of team Phignum.
TYPHOON: bak and Vis
ROMULUS: Tough one. I've seen the greatness that is Magnum's whine when it lags, and I tell you now, it is not pretty. Really had no experience at all with Phigment's gaming, except for an embarrassing 0-1 AT game. I know that he was level 14 in RoC though and 7 in both Solo and Team in TFT. I don't think they'll be able to beat Visser and Bak "baksmällan" Jak. Maybe 3:1.
PHOENIX: I'd say this is the most even of all the match-ups. Magnum and Phigment have a certain amount of American skill, which (while insignificant compared to real kind of skill) does inspire fear in most people. They do play a lot together, or at least they used to. They've got the teamwork down. Bakjak and Visser, however... Those are a pair of tricky wildcards. Visser is one of the Antiochers who play most, and so is Bakjak. They play very much together, so they have their Teamwork down to a 'T'. Also, Visser is Australian. All in all, a very even match-up. I'm giving 1.5:1 odds in favor of Visser and Bakjak not winning.
Qjuad & Styles vs. Dekar & Lonemage
STOKER: I really don't know who to call in dis match, just that hilarity will ensue in the pre-game and should continue till post. I got no idea other then that.
DINE: Since there is not Remus in the Rom/Remus group, I simply cannot see him and his group winning, so obviously QJUAD-ALLAH will overlord rush and defeat them rapidly.
VISSER: Almost everone here has very little war3 experiance afaik. 3...2...1...HOBO FIGHT! I would say Qjuad and Styles to win, cause both of them have a fair bit of SC experiance, whereas i don't think Lone does.
MAGNUM: Qjuad and Styles have looked a little rough in the preseason, but Qjuad's a hungry young fighter. He's, in fact, playing for a sandwich. Lonemage is a virtual unknown, a real Cinderella story, coming out of nowhere to win at Augusta, so I think he and Dekar have a decent shot at the title. 3:1 in favor of Lone and Dekar.
MACK: Dekar and Lonemage are both unknown to me. However, I have seen typhoon's sig, and I believe that it shows clearly that Qjuad and Styles have a better chance of emerging victorious, perhaps in a sweep.
PHIGMENT: I haven't played WC3 against any of the gladiators in this match in months, if ever, so I can say without hesitation that Qjuad and Styles are going to win. After all, Styles claims to be a Canadian, but lives in the southeast U.S. Clearly, he is a tricky one and not to be underestimated. He may well be a Canadian spy, in which case even if he were about to lose, there's a fair chance his opponents would suffer unfortunate and entirely coincidental polar bear maulings. Meanwhile, the offensive powerhouse that is Qjuad is justly feared by all who cross his path. I predict that Qjuad and Styles will crush their opposition amidst a flood of misspelled and ironic witticisms.
DARK_T_ZERATUL: It's always nice to root on the underdog, so I'll give 20:1 odds in favor of Team Lonekar. If this were Vegas, you could win a lot of money with a small bet.
TYPHOON: Qjuad and Styles
ROMULUS: No idea at all. Haven't seen Lonemage and Dekar play. But Qjuad has Styles on his team though, so there's a big minus for Qjuad. (Huk huk!) Play your best. PP OK? Ratio 1:1. You can give 1:1, right?
PHOENIX: I think those crazy Antalyan people will win this one. Qjuad and Styles, while not being experts in any way, have a certain mysterious random game-winning quality that just may pop up when it's a match as important as this one. I have absolutely no idea how good Dekar is, but unless lonemage has improved substantially in his RTS gaming since his StarCraft days, I don't think they can stand against the might that is the Fat Brit and the Military Canadian. 5:1 odds for Qjuad and Styles not winning.
Mack & Phoenix vs. Phal & Typhoon
STOKER: I'm gonna agree wit my man da Knife on dis one, it's obviously a WASTE conspiracy that my boys: Mack, Typh, and Phal, are facing off in da first round. Regardless, Phalphoon is gonna win, and not just cause they got more Protectorate people on their side. Well...maybe.20:1 odds in favor Evil Inc.
DINE: typh gives better head than any man alive, and his ass will surely put him a(head) (get it? i crack myself up). With Phal's monsterous Phallus he clearly is also pulling ahead, sorry but I don't even think Mack can narrate his way out of this match.
VISSER: <insert comment about Phal going down on people's mothers here>
MAGNUM: Socialists vs. quasi-socialists. Who will lose? Clearly, society. Phal's giant member is a psychological threat to any opponent, and Typhoon certainly has the much-envied skill of mother-insulting, but you can't count out Mack's deadly Gryphon Death Train of death. Count on Phal to pull this one off for the forces of evil. 5:1 in favor of Phalphoon.
MACK: I could not get raped harder up my ass if I bent over to pick up the soap. Phoenix, I love you, man, but we're fucked. Let's just make sure we get into typh's sig in the process of losing. Phal and typhoon by margins uncomprehendable to man.
PHIGMENT: This one is heavily dependent on what Phalanx and typhoon do. If Mack gets a chance to build up to his standard third-tier deathblow unmolested, he'll sweep the opposition away before him. On the other hand, if Phalanx and typh actually build units and attack during the first half-hour of the game, they're going to have a serious advantage over Mack's customary pretense that he isn't hard-teching. Phoenix is an unknown quantity, but if there's anything chemistry classes taught me, it's that unknown things seldom matter, and when they do matter you're too busy using the fire extinguisher on your lab partner to care.
DARK_T_ZERATUL: This would probably be a good time to mention that I've played War3 online with Antiochers a grand total of 1 time. Since none of these four were that person, I'm just gonna have to pick names and odds out of a hat... 42:1 odds in favor of... Team Phalphoon.
TYPHOON: me and what's-his-dick
ROMULUS: Phalanx and Typhoon, probably 5:1. Don't want to go in to detail too much, but Phoenix pretty much... *cough*sucks*cough* *clears throat*. I mean, Phoenix sucks.
PHOENIX: Yeah. Not much to say. We're pretty much fucked. I'm gonna be sore for weeks, considering the ass-raping we're in for. 10:1 odds in favor of Phalphoon not winning.
Guess & ???? vs. Clodpool & Romulus
STOKER: It don't matta who Guess's partner is, Protectorate 4 life, yo, and he's gonna step up to the plate and knock this one outta the park. I call Guess as da winner in dis one, don't matta who his parnter is, see. And if someone don't step up to the plate soon the Admiral will have to throw down da gauntlet and throw in, and if dat happens then its all over for the other side.5:1 odds in favor of the Mystery Man and his Mystery Partner
DINE: Guess' mysterious partner is obviously none other than Captain Jack Sparrow, so they will of course. win. plus Guess wil likely be not sober, which throws the opponent for a loop with his 'IiiII LOvvEE!!! UuuU GHUyZ!!1!!!111!!!!111!
VISSER: I have heard, but not seen, of Rom's reputation. Based mostly on that, I pick them to dominate. Clod would be slightly better than Guess, maybe, and i doubt we will find anyone else who could beat Rom any time soon.
MAGNUM: Guess and the player to be named later are a fearsome force, but I just can't argue with the 1337 5k1175 of the Scandinavian squad. Clod and Rommy by 4:1 odds.
MACK: I remember many an FFA where Clodpool came out the victor because he's a sneaky bastard. And Rom, hell, he wins Swedish tournaments, that maniac. Most of the American contingent has slacked with regards to WC3 over the summer and in the fall, and I think the Euros will be trouncing Guess and whoever his partner turns out to be. Clodpool and Romulus by a game.
PHIGMENT: Guess, not having a partner, is clearly at a disadvantage here. Clodpool and Romulus, combined, have five syllables in their names. Guess Who by himself has only two syllables, giving him only 40% of the total offensive power of his opponents. Now, Guess has shown a remarkable ability when drunk to insert extra syllables into words, but he'd need to more than double his current count just to achieve parity. Guess needs to find a partner with at least a two-syllable name to have a chance, and three syllables if he's going to have any room to make mistakes.
DARK_T_ZERATUL: Guess is the one Antiocher I've ever played online in War3. Since I beat him, I'm gonna have to give 5:1 for Team Clodulus.
TYPHOON: bit hard to call at this point
ROMULUS: What can I say? YOU'RE GOING DOWN! Me and Clodpool hasn't been playing very well together lately though. But we're working on it. PP okay, Clod?
PHOENIX: Guess can hold his own. The ???? will probably end up being an insane comp, and while they are certainly insane, they are also quite hard to work with. They tend to ignore suggestions, so to speak. And I know firsthand the skill that lies in those weird fingers that belong to the Swede and the Norwegian. I'm giving 13:1 odds that Team Clodulus won't win.