The System

(over AIM)

Session Start (eviltyph:Unholy Trinity): Mon Jul 05 21:20:45 2004
[21:20:48] Flyspeck 42: there's the other fucko
[21:21:06] eviltyph: you misspelled,"there's typhoon, that sex GOD"
[21:21:13] Flyspeck 42: my mistake
[21:21:23] Flyspeck 42: there are so many women to meet
[21:21:49] eviltyph: yeah, but a lot of them are bitchesand whoresandsuch
[21:21:55] eviltyph: my keyboard sucks, by the way
[21:22:01] eviltyph: and you're notimportant enoughfor me to edit
[21:22:50] Flyspeck 42: I thought our relationship meant something
[21:22:57] Flyspeck 42: the space bar seems to be the key problem
[21:23:09] eviltyph: a friend and I came up with a seven-point system for
             finding the perfect girl
[21:23:15] eviltyph: it's a damngood system too
[21:23:22] Flyspeck 42: really
[21:23:41] Flyspeck 42: was this friend typhoon?
[21:23:45] eviltyph: I wrote a Perl program that calculates the probability of
             you finding anyone who matches
[21:23:53] eviltyph: which is a probably a key factor in me not getting laid
[21:24:03] Flyspeck 42: perhaps Good Shuttle or Bad Shuttle
[21:24:05] eviltyph: which I pretty much mentioned in the program
[21:24:15] eviltyph: "you tell anyone else about this, and the probability
             drops to 0"
[21:24:16] Flyspeck 42: excellent
[21:24:19] alert the mute: ok so whats the system?
[21:24:30] Flyspeck 42: my friend developed a ten-point system
[21:24:32] eviltyph: lemme upload theprogram somewhere
[21:24:40] eviltyph: wait, I think I alreadyd id when I gave it to my friend
[21:24:45] Flyspeck 42: where he gives you a rating of one to ten based on his
[21:24:52] eviltyph:
[21:24:55] eviltyph: someone tell me if that works
[21:25:00] eviltyph: before I waste the memory relaunching firefox
[21:25:09] alert the mute: yes it does
[21:25:09] Flyspeck 42: I saw it in your folder earlier
[21:25:09] eviltyph: WASTE IT FOR ME
[21:25:31] Flyspeck 42: I was trying to find out what the name of your avatar
             folder was
[21:25:59] eviltyph: yeah, so anyway, the first criterion is whether or not
             she's single, female, human, all that shit that you don't really
             consider criteria
[21:26:16] eviltyph: until they're unfulfilled
[21:26:26] eviltyph: and you realize your girlfriend has a penis or whatever
[21:26:35] alert the mute: hahaha
[21:26:39] Flyspeck 42: or is a goat
[21:26:42] eviltyph: oh, and she has to be straight or bi
[21:26:43] eviltyph: it helps
[21:26:52] eviltyph: or a shemale goat
[21:26:58] Flyspeck 42: a lesbo might still fuck you
[21:27:00] eviltyph: anyway, second criterion is physical attractiveness
[21:27:03] Flyspeck 42: just for the hell of it
[21:27:07] eviltyph: well, we're not talking about just getting laid
[21:27:13] Flyspeck 42: oh
[21:27:14] alert the mute: brb
[21:27:15] eviltyph: there are many fewer criteria for that
[21:27:17] alert the mute: bathroom
[21:27:19] Flyspeck 42: well, you said getting laid
[21:27:22] eviltyph: to whack off
[21:27:25] Flyspeck 42: he's gonna go masturbate about this program
[21:27:26] Flyspeck 42: hahahaha
[21:27:32] eviltyph: now that we've got this image of a shemale goat in his
[21:27:38] eviltyph: okay, so physical attractiveness
[21:27:42] eviltyph: you can be as picky about that as you like
[21:27:48] eviltyph: my friend is apparently way more picky about it than me
[21:28:25] eviltyph: we settled on saying that one third of girls around our
             age meeting the criteria in #1 are, you know, fairly hot
[21:28:41] eviltyph: that figure might be biased in that we live on the campus
             of an engineering school
[21:28:50] Flyspeck 42: haha
[21:28:53] eviltyph: and spend most of our time in the College of Engineering
[21:29:04] eviltyph: so whenever we see a girl who doesn't, you know, look like
             a guy, we're pretty happy about it
[21:29:08] Flyspeck 42: my friend's going to UMass and had his orientation last
[21:29:17] Flyspeck 42: and he kept going on about how EVERY SINGLE GIRL was
[21:29:25] eviltyph: if it's a liberal arts school, then I'll tell you straight
             up that he'll want to fuck every girl there
[21:29:54] eviltyph: the girls at UNC are so much hotter than the girls at NCSU
[21:30:07] eviltyph: I swear, they must ask for a pictorial instead of an essay
             when you register there
[21:30:11] Flyspeck 42: and I was like, of course, your school had 300 people
             in 6-12th grade, while mine had about 3200 in 9-12th
[21:30:37] eviltyph: so anyway, third criterion is personality
[21:30:47] eviltyph: discard this if you just want a quick fuck
[21:30:52] Flyspeck 42: ha
[21:30:54] eviltyph: you want someone who's not a bitch
[21:31:02] eviltyph: but also isn't, uh, a 1950s housewife
[21:31:12] eviltyph: intelligence is a big plus here, usually
[21:31:17] Flyspeck 42: hey, Donna Reed was hot
[21:31:33] eviltyph: well, I guess it balances out
[21:31:52] eviltyph: so I said that 25% of girls had personalities that I could
             stand long enough to get to third base or so
[21:32:03] Flyspeck 42: man, Phal must be taking a mega dump
[21:32:08] eviltyph: probably because I was still living on campus at the time
             and was a bit more cynical
[21:32:12] eviltyph: my spacebar works better now
[21:32:19] eviltyph: okay, so the next item:
[21:32:22] eviltyph: she must not be a whore
[21:32:27] Flyspeck 42: of course, if you're drunk, multiply that percentage by
[21:32:36] eviltyph: my friend has had three girls in a row cheat on him, so he
             was fairly insistent about this one
[21:32:38] eviltyph: heh
[21:32:53] eviltyph: last I heard, he was thinking about getting together with
             his last one
[21:33:05] Flyspeck 42: well actually, multiply the number by four, then add
             the percent
[21:33:06] eviltyph: who was fucking some other guy at Princeton, apparently
[21:33:24] eviltyph: he didn't have much nice to say about her until they both
             got back and he saw how much her rugby workouts had been helping
[21:33:31] eviltyph: I should ask him how that spun out
[21:33:40] Flyspeck 42: hahaha
[21:33:47] Flyspeck 42: chicks play rugby?
[21:34:13] eviltyph: we were both lusting after the same girl last semester, so
             I figure if he's doing the long-distance relationship thing again,
             I have less competition
[21:34:18] eviltyph: yes, in grease
[21:34:25] eviltyph: or perhaps I imagined that
[21:34:31] Flyspeck 42: must get hard to breath
[21:34:37] eviltyph: anyway, fourth criterion is the opposite: she shouldn't be
             a goody-goody either
[21:34:38] Flyspeck 42: breathe?
[21:34:41] Flyspeck 42: I think breathe
[21:34:52] eviltyph: we should really merge those two criteria, since they're
             two sides of the same coin
[21:34:52] alert the mute: ok i'm back
[21:34:56] eviltyph: and yes, "breathe"
[21:34:57] Flyspeck 42: yeah
[21:35:04] eviltyph: so basically, you don't want a whore
[21:35:05] alert the mute: send the program
[21:35:17] Flyspeck 42: get a perl compiler
[21:35:20] eviltyph: but you don't want, say, a Mormon who won't even look at
             your dick until you're married
[21:35:33] Flyspeck 42: Mason will look at your dick
[21:35:37] alert the mute: HAHAHAHA
[21:35:50] Flyspeck 42: we all know he's just pretending to be a
             just-back-from-mission Mormon
[21:36:07] Flyspeck 42: and is really a 45 year old internet stalker with a
             beer belly, wearing a stained wifebeater
[21:36:16] eviltyph: the stain is his wife
[21:36:18] Flyspeck 42: drinking beer, which is the kicker
[21:36:20] alert the mute: HAHAHAHA
[21:36:29] eviltyph: he didn't look before he sat down
[21:36:42] eviltyph: now that he's free, he decides he wants some butt-lovin'
[21:36:53] eviltyph: because he sat on a cucumber as a child by accident
[21:37:00] Flyspeck 42: a common decision amongst the newly widowed
[21:37:04] eviltyph: and the experience has tainted his adult life
[21:37:13] Flyspeck 42: are dudes still widows?
[21:37:20] Flyspeck 42: widowed I mean
[21:37:24] Flyspeck 42: I know they're widowers
[21:37:25] eviltyph: I dunno, it sounds weird, but I don't see why not
[21:37:44] eviltyph: anyway, the fifth criterion I forgot
[21:37:46] eviltyph: I put 
[21:37:52] eviltyph: "are single" in the program
[21:37:53] alert the mute: hahah
[21:37:56] eviltyph: but I remember my friend corrected me
[21:37:59] eviltyph: but anyway, I forgot it
[21:38:01] eviltyph: so bah
[21:38:10] eviltyph: I said that 25% of girls meeting the above criteria were
[21:38:15] eviltyph: it's probably worse at State
[21:38:23] eviltyph: last criteria is usually where it goes to hell:
[21:38:26] eviltyph: she has to want you too
[21:38:37] eviltyph: I said that 5% of girls with the above criteria meet that
             one too
[21:38:37] alert the mute: HAHAHAHAH
[21:38:52] eviltyph: because I'm an optimist
[21:39:00] eviltyph: that one always kills your number
[21:39:08] eviltyph: you can start with 40,000 people
[21:39:20] eviltyph: and you'll end up with like 12.121325435 girls that meet
             all the criteria
[21:39:34] eviltyph: depending a lot on how cynical you are, I guess
[21:39:46] Flyspeck 42: ha
[21:40:03] eviltyph: Lucid would probably get like 20,000
[21:40:05] eviltyph: half of them guys
[21:40:10] alert the mute: hahaha
[21:40:40] eviltyph: my friend asked his sister and her friend to compile a
             similar list from, you know, the other side of the fence
[21:40:44] eviltyph: that's right, shemales
[21:40:54] eviltyph: no, but really, she kind of wavered on it
[21:41:01] Flyspeck 42: what exactly is a shemale?
[21:41:02] eviltyph: she kind of said that, "yeah, it'd be about the same..."
[21:41:10] eviltyph: a crossdressing male
[21:41:12] eviltyph: a female with a penis
[21:41:17] eviltyph: not the point
[21:41:22] eviltyph: the point is that girls are all full of shit
[21:41:23] Flyspeck 42: I was just wondering
[21:41:39] Flyspeck 42: yeah, I stuck my dick in one and it came out all brown
[21:41:45] Flyspeck 42: that could've had to do with the hole I chose though
[21:41:53] eviltyph: a real list of theirs would be like, "plays for the
             football team" and "drives a cool car"
[21:42:06] alert the mute: lol
[21:42:08] eviltyph: bitches and whores
[21:42:10] alert the mute: not the girls i know
[21:42:12] eviltyph: no, not really
[21:42:20] eviltyph: yeah, I know, I'm just being cynical
[21:42:24] alert the mute: jay, you gotta start hanging out with the indie rock
[21:42:26] eviltyph: it's funny how we decided that the system was perfect
[21:42:32] eviltyph: we went out to grab some pizza
[21:42:38] Flyspeck 42: indie rock kids are gay
[21:42:42] eviltyph: and as we were walking out, we noticed this really hot
             chick in there with some guy
[21:42:43] alert the mute: no they aren't
[21:42:46] alert the mute: i am one
[21:42:48] alert the mute: and i'm not gay
[21:42:55] Flyspeck 42: fuck you scenester
[21:43:01] eviltyph: and we're like, "did you notice that girl?"
[21:43:11] eviltyph: and one of our friends says, "yeah...she's probably a
             bitch, though"
[21:43:12] alert the mute: i'm not a scenester
[21:43:14] alert the mute: but i listen to indie rock
[21:43:18] eviltyph: FUCK YOU, LISTEN TO THE STORY
[21:43:21] Flyspeck 42: SCENESTER
[21:43:24] Flyspeck 42: I'm listening
[21:43:26] alert the mute: fuck you mike
[21:43:35] eviltyph: and then another comes out and we ask him the same thing,
             and he replies, "yeah, but...she sucks dick for crack"
[21:43:36] Flyspeck 42: I'm just delivering the gravest insult at the same time
[21:44:02] eviltyph: so you see, as guys, our pride made us make up excuses as
             to why we didn't want anything to do with the amazingly hot chick
[21:44:10] eviltyph: so, going down the system...
[21:44:20] eviltyph: 1: pretty hard to prove that she isn't a straight human
             female at that point
[21:44:35] eviltyph: 2: it was also uncontested that she was hot
[21:44:44] alert the mute: hahhaha
[21:44:52] eviltyph: 3: there was no way of knowing her personality, so one of
             my friends jumped on that and said she was probably a bitch
[21:44:59] eviltyph: 4: likewise, another friend called her a whore
[21:45:09] eviltyph: 5: way too hot to be a goody-goody, no one would buy that
             for a second
[21:45:24] eviltyph: 6: she was with another guy, so she wasn't single
[21:45:34] eviltyph: 7: and none of us wanted to admit that she might not be
             interested in us even if she was
[21:45:44] eviltyph: and I thought there were only 6, but what the fuck ever
[21:45:52] eviltyph: so, you see, the System is perfect
[21:46:05] alert the mute: hahahah
[21:46:06] Flyspeck 42: genius
[21:46:08] eviltyph: and with it, I shall get much ass next semester
[21:46:20] eviltyph: or not
[21:46:35] alert the mute: me living on my own will get me much ass
[21:46:46] alert the mute: i've never tried taking girls i meet home cause i
             live with my parents
[21:46:57] eviltyph: yeah, that sucks
[21:46:59] Flyspeck 42: that's why you fuck in the car
[21:47:06] alert the mute: i don't have a car
[21:47:12] Flyspeck 42: in the alley
[21:47:17] alert the mute: hqahahahahaha
[21:47:17] eviltyph: you can get away with that shit during high school because
             you're both young and in the same predicament
[21:47:23] Flyspeck 42: don't tell me Kanata doesn't have fucking alleys
[21:47:23] eviltyph: but after that, it gets lame
[21:47:27] alert the mute: it doesn't
[21:47:30] eviltyph: yeah, not just any alley
[21:47:32] alert the mute: its a fucking rich white yuppy suburb
[21:47:35] eviltyph: fucking alleys, for fucking
[21:47:38] Flyspeck 42: goddamn you suck
[21:47:47] alert the mute: by white i mean asian invasion
[21:47:49] Flyspeck 42: rent a goddamn room
[21:47:49] eviltyph: Canadians are all fucking rich white yuppies
[21:47:58] alert the mute: so many chinese people
[21:47:59] alert the mute: its insane
[21:48:01] Flyspeck 42: THIS IS SEX WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
[21:48:06] eviltyph: hotel rooms are kind of expensive
[21:48:12] eviltyph: just for one night of sex
[21:48:13] alert the mute: 100+ a night
[21:48:20] eviltyph: I mean, it's cheaper than prostitution
[21:48:24] alert the mute: hhahahahah
[21:48:25] alert the mute: barely
[21:48:27] Flyspeck 42: then rent a motel room
[21:48:30] eviltyph: but shit, you can't keep that up for long
[21:48:32] alert the mute: usually have to pay for the room for a prostitute
[21:48:36] alert the mute: no motels in kanata
[21:48:41] Flyspeck 42: god
[21:48:43] eviltyph: sorry, I'm not an expert
[21:48:49] alert the mute: hahahaha
[21:48:51] eviltyph: I'll come to you if I ever feel like soliciting one
[21:48:58] Flyspeck 42: how the hell do you get laid?
[21:49:04] alert the mute: man, jay would you be up for some sort of roadtrip
             next year?
[21:49:08] eviltyph: hell yeah
[21:49:10] eviltyph: whenabouts?
[21:49:17] alert the mute: mid february, maybe?
[21:49:19] eviltyph: and the secret to getting laid: NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS
[21:49:25] eviltyph: well, not guys like me
[21:49:25] alert the mute: or if i just came to visit.
[21:49:34] eviltyph: I dunno what we could work out
[21:49:37] alert the mute: i was thinking of bussing/flying to philly
[21:49:41] alert the mute: and picking up this asshole
[21:49:44] Flyspeck 42: Jon is coming south, and you're coming north
[21:49:45] eviltyph: cool
[21:49:49] alert the mute: and somehow getting down to NC
[21:49:53] Flyspeck 42: because Philly owns Ottawa and Raleigh
[21:49:57] alert the mute: hahaha
[21:50:01] eviltyph: probably
[21:50:04] Flyspeck 42: STRAIGHT UP NIGGAZ
[21:50:04] alert the mute: you're the only one with a car, you should be
[21:50:07] eviltyph: Raleigh is such a ghetto outside of State
[21:50:13] alert the mute: if you guys came to ottawa you'd be legal in all the
[21:50:16] Flyspeck 42: haha
[21:50:20] eviltyph: yeah, that's a selling point
[21:50:26] eviltyph: selling point of Raleigh: I don't have to do shit
[21:50:30] alert the mute: plus in strip clubs girls actually strip all the way
[21:50:32] eviltyph: you guys are the fuckers who have to arrange everything
[21:50:36] eviltyph: so let's meet up in Raleigh
[21:50:39] alert the mute: hahah
[21:50:45] alert the mute: i was thinking maybe even going down to florida
[21:50:48] eviltyph: I've never been to even a crappy American one
[21:50:51] Flyspeck 42: my car is a piece of junk
[21:50:55] eviltyph: so's mine
[21:50:56] alert the mute: that makes it awesome
[21:51:05] eviltyph: but I wuv it because it's a V8 and kicks everything else's
[21:51:05] Flyspeck 42: I've been in like 10 accidents
[21:51:10] Flyspeck 42: and I haven't even had it for a year
[21:51:15] Flyspeck 42: what model?
[21:51:16] alert the mute: ouch
[21:51:22] Flyspeck 42: 1996 Geo Prizm represent
[21:51:24] alert the mute: isn't it an old crown vic?
[21:51:24] eviltyph: it's a shitty 1985 Ford Crown Vic LTD
[21:51:26] eviltyph: it's an old cop car
[21:51:30] Flyspeck 42: yeah
[21:51:30] eviltyph: huge ass fucking engine
[21:51:32] Flyspeck 42: I was gonna say
[21:51:38] Flyspeck 42: those things haul ass
[21:51:43] eviltyph: hell yeah
[21:51:52] Flyspeck 42: my Geo has 105 hp
[21:51:53] eviltyph: suck up gas too
[21:51:59] Flyspeck 42: good mileage though
[21:52:03] eviltyph: I'd need to trade in my college tuition to drive up to
[21:52:07] Flyspeck 42: fuck, I got gas for $1.86 a gallon
[21:52:13] alert the mute: so fly, how is the girlfriend situation. have her
             pants come off yet?
[21:52:18] Flyspeck 42: rocked my socks
[21:52:20] Flyspeck 42: no
[21:52:24] alert the mute: DAMMIT
[21:52:24] eviltyph: I work in a different city, but it's kind of cool because
             the gas is a little cheaper there
[21:52:34] eviltyph: so you've made it as far as second base, I guess?
[21:52:37] Flyspeck 42: I'm a pussy
[21:52:43] Flyspeck 42: haven't gone in for the kill
[21:52:47] alert the mute: what about manual stimulation?
[21:52:50] eviltyph: have you been actively working on getting her pants off
             for a while?
[21:52:56] Flyspeck 42: nah, typh got it
[21:52:57] Flyspeck 42: no
[21:53:17] eviltyph: Fly, Fly, he's our man
[21:53:21] eviltyph: if he can't do it, HE'S A PUSSY
[21:53:24] eviltyph: NEXT
[21:53:30] eviltyph: just kidding
[21:53:34] alert the mute: hahahahaha
[21:53:58] alert the mute: where does lucid go to school?
[21:53:59] Flyspeck 42: didn't I already say that?
[21:54:02] eviltyph: but yeah, start small and work your way up
[21:54:05] alert the mute: i'm sure he'd be up for some sort of meeting thingy
[21:54:07] Flyspeck 42: some faggy school in Georgia
[21:54:09] eviltyph: somewhere in Savannah, Georgia
[21:54:13] alert the mute: n/m
[21:54:13] eviltyph: yeah, Fly said it better
[21:54:18] eviltyph: he came up to NC in January
[21:54:25] eviltyph: but I was here in NM
[21:54:30] eviltyph: we would've met up otherwise
[21:54:40] eviltyph: I got back just a couple of days after he was going
[21:54:43] Flyspeck 42: if we're going to FL we can pick that ass up on the way
[21:54:46] alert the mute: we have to make this happen though. it'll be a grand
             old time
[21:55:06] eviltyph: yeah, whenever people would plan those AntiochCons, they'd
             try to get every forumer in the entire world in on it
[21:55:09] eviltyph: fuck that, most of them are cunts
[21:55:13] alert the mute: hahaha
[21:55:15] Flyspeck 42: too righg
[21:55:17] Flyspeck 42: right
[21:55:23] eviltyph: let's just get some of us cool guys who happen to live
             along the east coast anyway
[21:55:24] alert the mute: mike, only way we're going to florida is if you're
             driving there
[21:55:30] eviltyph: yeah, seriously
[21:55:31] Flyspeck 42: fuck, I'm adopting Britishisms
[21:55:42] Flyspeck 42: get a goddamn flight
[21:55:44] alert the mute: i don't know if i'd be able to afford that many
             plane rides
[21:55:45] Flyspeck 42: it's cheap
[21:55:54] eviltyph: I guess if we all meet up in Florida
[21:55:54] Flyspeck 42: I could drive, though
[21:56:00] alert the mute: driving would be wicked
[21:56:03] alert the mute: such a road trip
[21:56:10] eviltyph: a train might be cheaper if it's somewhere near to me
[21:56:13] eviltyph: like if we met up in Philly
[21:56:15] alert the mute: ya
[21:56:18] eviltyph: I bet I could just catch a train
[21:56:19] Flyspeck 42: trains suck
[21:56:22] Flyspeck 42: so bad
[21:56:25] eviltyph: planes suck
[21:56:29] alert the mute: haha that'd be hilarious if jay trained to philly
             just to drive down to florida anyways
[21:56:32] eviltyph: trains are quaint
[21:56:40] alert the mute: trains are slow and creepy
[21:56:45] Flyspeck 42: planes scare the shit out of me, frankly
[21:56:47] eviltyph: they're not slow, mother-fucker
[21:57:00] alert the mute: man, i'd wear some hilarious sign that said FLYSPECK
             IS AN ASSCLOWN
[21:57:05] alert the mute: when i arrived at the airport
[21:57:06] eviltyph: not quite 600 mi/h, but around 100 or so at least
[21:57:20] eviltyph: heh
[21:57:20] Flyspeck 42: I'd wear some sign that said ".357 Magnum"
[21:57:24] Flyspeck 42: and fucking shoot your ass with it
[21:57:26] alert the mute: hahahahaah
[21:57:32] eviltyph: and get beatdown by security for being a terrorist, fool
[21:57:44] alert the mute: seriously though, what airline would fly me to
             philly for cheap?
[21:57:51] Flyspeck 42: priceline
[21:57:54] alert the mute: i wanna check this out now to see how cheap it
             actually would be
[21:57:55] eviltyph: or Orbitz
[21:58:00] Flyspeck 42: or travelocity
[21:58:02] Flyspeck 42: or expedia
[21:58:12] eviltyph: I found out that a flight from Raleigh to Ottawa was $400
             for a two-way, remember?
[21:58:17] Flyspeck 42: or
[21:58:19] eviltyph: I can't imagine it'd be much worse the other way around
[21:58:39] eviltyph: and so Jason takes his bold first steps into the world of
[21:58:41] alert the mute: priceline is US only
[21:58:58] alert the mute: 400$ is a lot
[21:58:59] Flyspeck 42: so take a bus
[21:59:10] Flyspeck 42: like a loser
[21:59:18] alert the mute: hahaha that'd be one long ass busride
[21:59:31] Flyspeck 42: it's not that far
[21:59:37] Flyspeck 42: it's only like 6 hours to Toronto
[21:59:45] Flyspeck 42: how far's Ottawa from there?
[21:59:56] eviltyph: man, I need to piss, but it hurts to stand up
[22:00:02] Flyspeck 42: haha
[22:00:21] eviltyph: oh well, these pants are almost out of style anyway
[22:00:29] eviltyph: my ankle is so swollen
[22:00:31] eviltyph: it looks funny
[22:00:36] eviltyph: swollen like...a MEMBER?
[22:00:51] Flyspeck 42: that's a band
[22:00:55] Flyspeck 42: wow, you made a funny
[22:00:58] alert the mute: hahahha
[22:01:12] eviltyph: OMG WTF
[22:01:19] alert the mute: holy shit, 335$ US
[22:01:21] alert the mute: thats insane
[22:01:34] eviltyph: which way?
[22:01:37] eviltyph: good or bad?
[22:01:41] eviltyph: sounds good to me
[22:01:52] eviltyph: but you're bitching about $400 being too much
[22:01:53] alert the mute: both ways
[22:01:58] alert the mute: 335$ american
[22:02:03] alert the mute: i was hoping that much in canadian
[22:02:05] eviltyph: heh
[22:02:09] eviltyph: oh well
[22:02:16] alert the mute: i'll check greyhound
[22:02:18] eviltyph: we can just make cardboard cutouts of ourselves
[22:02:22] eviltyph: and mail them to each other
[22:02:26] Flyspeck 42: it says 7 hrs. 18 mins. from here to there
[22:02:31] Flyspeck 42: 447.45 miles
[22:02:35] Flyspeck 42: hahahaha
[22:02:36] eviltyph: and them cruise the mean streets of whatever whiteboy
             suburbs we live in
[22:03:00] alert the mute: i could take a bus
[22:03:16] Flyspeck 42: wow, you have a street called "Promenade Terry Fox"?
[22:03:18] Flyspeck 42: that's really gay
[22:03:27] alert the mute: Terry Fox Drive
[22:03:29] alert the mute: asshole
[22:03:30] eviltyph: wow, yeah
[22:03:33] alert the mute: its promenade in french
[22:03:50] alert the mute: all streets are dual language-ified
[22:03:53] eviltyph: if Freddie Mercury were a street, he'd definitely have sex
             with that
[22:04:04] Flyspeck 42: I thought street in French was Rue
[22:04:08] eviltyph: that's Road
[22:04:15] eviltyph: they have multiple words for things, like we do
[22:04:33] Flyspeck 42: fuck
[22:04:47] eviltyph: exactly
[22:04:53] Flyspeck 42: you're pretty much directly north of me
[22:04:57] eviltyph: whatever that was in reference to, fuck it
[22:05:03] Flyspeck 42: hey, there's Sudbury
[22:05:05] alert the mute: maybe i could rent a car
[22:05:11] eviltyph: so we're all squeezing into my dorm room come February,
[22:05:20] alert the mute: it'd be 215$ canadian
[22:05:20] Flyspeck 42: I know someone who livers there
[22:05:29] Flyspeck 42: lives
[22:05:30] alert the mute: cool
[22:05:37] alert the mute: so do i
[22:05:58] Flyspeck 42: this would all be a lot simpler if you assholes lived
             down the street
[22:06:16] eviltyph: we should've all went to the same colleges
[22:06:25] eviltyph: and made our parents worry about this shit
[22:06:33] eviltyph: er, same college
[22:06:40] eviltyph: pretty important that that's similar
[22:06:45] eviltyph: singular, goddammit
[22:06:56] Flyspeck 42: haha
[22:07:02] alert the mute: if i buy a bus ticket, someone can buy the same one
             for 15$
[22:07:08] Flyspeck 42: hahaha
[22:07:11] Flyspeck 42: bring a friend
[22:07:12] alert the mute: i should find some idiot who wants to go to philly
             the same time and make him pay 
[22:07:14] eviltyph: so the Holy Trinity would be Mason, his mom, and a shemale
             goat, right?
[22:07:18] alert the mute: HAHHA
[22:07:41] Flyspeck 42: no
[22:07:47] Flyspeck 42: god, that's even unholier than us
[22:07:55] eviltyph: first rule of Mormonism: everyone is going to Hell except
             you, but annoy them by trying to convert them anyway
[22:08:00] Flyspeck 42: the minds of mere mortals can't imagine the unholy shit
             they get up to
[22:08:09] eviltyph: remember, everyone is morally inferior to you
[22:08:11] Flyspeck 42: mostly in the bedroom
[22:08:33] eviltyph: but anyway, when would we schedule our little meet and
             greet anyway?
[22:08:35] Flyspeck 42: no, the first rule of Mormonism is you get to have more
             than one wife
[22:08:45] eviltyph: heh
[22:08:47] Flyspeck 42: that's to draw in the converts
[22:08:50] alert the mute: more fucking like it
[22:08:55] alert the mute: if i fly tango is 140$
[22:08:59] alert the mute: whatever tango is
[22:09:02] eviltyph: er
[22:09:10] eviltyph: for all you know, that means they dress you up in bondage
[22:09:15] eviltyph: and fly you over with Mason's mother
[22:09:15] alert the mute: who cares
[22:09:16] Flyspeck 42: that's where they keep you in a kennel
[22:09:22] alert the mute: execute class is like 700$
[22:09:26] Flyspeck 42: with Mason's mother
[22:09:32] eviltyph: in bondage gear
[22:09:36] Flyspeck 42: what the fuck is execute class?
[22:09:58] eviltyph: you fly with a guillotine
[22:10:00] Flyspeck 42: see, here we have first class and coach
[22:10:08] eviltyph: every time you stick your legs out in the aisle, they cut
             something off
[22:10:10] Flyspeck 42: which makes about as much sense as tango and execute
             class, I guess
[22:10:12] eviltyph: something you'll miss
[22:10:19] Flyspeck 42: like your legs?
[22:11:07] alert the mute: you know what i should do
[22:11:17] Flyspeck 42: get a car
[22:11:20] Flyspeck 42: or your own house
[22:11:20] Flyspeck 42: so you can get laid
[22:11:20] alert the mute: find a flight that goes to raleigh
[22:11:20] alert the mute: that has a transfer in philly
[22:11:27] Flyspeck 42: and smuggle me in your luggage?
[22:11:34] alert the mute: that way we can hold hands on the plane
[22:11:36] eviltyph: this computer sucks
[22:11:46] eviltyph: I was about to respond to Flyspeck's thing about the legs
[22:11:55] Flyspeck 42: and then what happened?
[22:11:57] eviltyph: but then it froze up while it paged some memory outt
[22:12:19] eviltyph: but I like the luggage smuggling idea
[22:12:26] Flyspeck 42: I'm getting a new computer one of these days
[22:12:36] eviltyph: the Unicorns' "Ghost Mountain" has some clanking sounds in
             the background
[22:12:43] alert the mute: ya, isn't it awesome?
[22:12:44] eviltyph: took me offguard because I thought I was the only one home
[22:12:44] Flyspeck 42: holy shit
[22:12:59] Flyspeck 42: typh has Promise Ring in his sig
[22:13:07] Flyspeck 42: I mean
[22:13:10] Flyspeck 42: Death Cab
[22:13:18] eviltyph: possibly
[22:13:21] eviltyph: I like Death Cab
[22:13:25] eviltyph: and the Postal Service rules too
[22:13:26] Flyspeck 42: and it would've been the Postal Service anyway
[22:13:29] Flyspeck 42: fuck
[22:13:46] alert the mute: so fly is willing to drive to raleigh?
[22:13:49] eviltyph: try to identify as many of the lyrics in there as you can
             without having to google
[22:14:01] Flyspeck 42: is there any way to get a list of them?
[22:14:03] eviltyph: I don't even know how far Raleigh and Philly are, really
[22:14:05] Flyspeck 42: or do I have to refresh?
[22:14:10] eviltyph:
[22:14:12] Flyspeck 42: a long time
[22:14:15] eviltyph: hopefully I typed that right
[22:14:20] Flyspeck 42: because it takes for fucking every to drive across
[22:14:22] eviltyph: everything is so much tighter in the east
[22:14:31] Flyspeck 42: goddamn I hate that state
[22:14:38] eviltyph: like Mason's mother's snatch would be if she didn't get
             rammed by all her husbands every night
[22:14:44] alert the mute: well i can drive to florida in one day from ottawa
[22:14:45] eviltyph: okay, that was contrived and weird
[22:14:52] eviltyph: shit, that's crazy
[22:14:54] eviltyph: you should do that
[22:14:56] alert the mute: 24 hours it takes
[22:14:57] eviltyph: we'll meet up in Disney World
[22:14:58] alert the mute: just can't stop
[22:15:01] eviltyph: and kick Dekar's ass
[22:15:06] alert the mute: he's bigger than me
[22:15:09] eviltyph: and engage is much art-faggotry with Razzy
[22:15:12] eviltyph: yeah, he could kill me too
[22:15:13] Flyspeck 42: I think you can only have multiple wives, not husbands
[22:15:17] Flyspeck 42: there'll be 3 of us though
[22:15:22] eviltyph: and distract plain girl with shiny objects
[22:15:23] alert the mute: true true
[22:15:26] Flyspeck 42: or four if we get Lucid
[22:15:28] Flyspeck 42: ...nothing's going to change my world...
[22:15:32] Flyspeck 42: Beatles - Across the Universe
[22:15:34] eviltyph: no, no, take pictures of us with plain girl is weird poses
[22:15:38] eviltyph: and send them to GuessWho
[22:15:40] eviltyph: to make fun of him
[22:15:42] alert the mute: can you rent cars from budget?
[22:15:54] Flyspeck 42: well, it is called Budget Rent-a-Car
[22:15:54] eviltyph: we should get Lucid too
[22:16:03] Flyspeck 42: ...I know I'll never lose affection...
[22:16:05] eviltyph: so we have a chance of getting laid on the way
[22:16:10] Flyspeck 42: Beatles/JC - In My Life
[22:16:26] eviltyph: yes, it was a big hit for Jesus
[22:16:33] eviltyph: (yes, I know, I'm kidding)
[22:16:41] Flyspeck 42: ...there is nothing I could say that I haven't thought
[22:16:51] Flyspeck 42: Beatles - All You Need Is Love (?)
[22:16:54] eviltyph: nope
[22:16:58] eviltyph: Nirvana, "Serve the Servants"
[22:17:09] eviltyph: but there's a similar line in "All You Need Is Love"
[22:17:10] Flyspeck 42: oh well
[22:17:13] Flyspeck 42: yeah
[22:17:13] eviltyph: so points for trying
[22:17:22] eviltyph: not like anyone actually listens to the lyrics of Nirvana
             songs anyway
[22:17:26] Flyspeck 42: that song is full of nothings you can blank that
             haven't been blank
[22:17:36] eviltyph: yeah
[22:17:49] Flyspeck 42: ...the morning light has washed your face...
[22:17:52] Flyspeck 42: oops, wrong one
[22:18:01] Flyspeck 42: ...there'll be a golden ladder reaching down...
[22:18:04] Flyspeck 42: JC - The Man Comes Around
[22:18:07] eviltyph: good man
[22:18:14] eviltyph: the other one is Tom Waits' "Ruby's Arms"
[22:18:17] eviltyph: just in case you give a shit
[22:18:22] Flyspeck 42: balls are always bouncing to the left and to the
[22:18:23] alert the mute: shit dude, i could play 250$ to rent a car for a
[22:18:25] Flyspeck 42: is that Big Balls?
[22:18:26] eviltyph: heh
[22:18:27] eviltyph: yeah
[22:18:36] Flyspeck 42: haha
[22:18:44] eviltyph: I like having it next to all the lyrics about the
             Apocalpyse and such
[22:19:16] eviltyph: you have to pay for gas too, though
[22:19:19] Flyspeck 42: ...half of what I say is meaningless...
[22:19:19] Flyspeck 42: I recognize that but can't place it
[22:19:24] Flyspeck 42: spoken words, just a scream...
[22:19:26] Flyspeck 42: that too
[22:19:27] eviltyph: the Beatles, "Julia"
[22:19:31] eviltyph: U2, "A Sort of Homecoming"
[22:19:35] Flyspeck 42: ah, that'd do it
[22:19:37] Flyspeck 42: for both of them
[22:19:48] Flyspeck 42:, you fucker, dance, you fucker...
[22:19:54] Flyspeck 42: something by Radiohead, can't remember the song
[22:20:06] eviltyph: "A Wolf at the Door"
[22:20:07] Flyspeck 42: Wolf at the Door?
[22:20:09] Flyspeck 42: yeah
[22:20:13] eviltyph: you rule
[22:20:14] alert the mute: fuck man
[22:20:18] eviltyph: keep going
[22:20:20] alert the mute: stop talking about htis shit
[22:20:23] eviltyph: heh
[22:20:31] alert the mute: help me find out how to rent a car
[22:20:32] Flyspeck 42: this is the new year...and I don't feel any
[22:20:36] eviltyph: there we go
[22:20:37] Flyspeck 42: DCfC - The New Year
[22:20:39] eviltyph: yup
[22:20:45] alert the mute: my friend works at budget
[22:20:49] Flyspeck 42: ...number nine, number nine, number nine...
[22:20:50] alert the mute: i might be able to get some sort of deal
[22:20:54] eviltyph: need more Death Cab
[22:21:00] Flyspeck 42: Beatles - #9
[22:21:01] eviltyph: they have much better lyrics I don't have in there
[22:21:04] eviltyph: yup
[22:21:10] eviltyph: "Revolution 9," anyway
[22:21:16] Flyspeck 42: oh yeah
[22:21:34] eviltyph: you can get an even better deal if you steal a car
[22:21:36] alert the mute: mike whats your zip code?
[22:21:44] Flyspeck 42: ...but those people keep a-movin', and that's what
             tortures me...
[22:21:45] Flyspeck 42: 19020
[22:21:51] Flyspeck 42: JC - Folsom Prison Blues
[22:21:54] eviltyph: or kill your friend, stuff him/her in the trunk of the
             car, and go
[22:21:59] eviltyph: you are so completely the man
[22:22:04] Flyspeck 42: ...come sit next to me, pour yourself some tea...
[22:22:05] eviltyph: go have sex with your girl after this
[22:22:07] Flyspeck 42: WEEZAAAAAAAAAR
[22:22:10] alert the mute: tell me which of these places is closest to you
[22:22:11] eviltyph: you'd better get that one, you bastard
[22:22:17] alert the mute: 6320 roosvelt philly
[22:22:17] Flyspeck 42: m'name is JONAS
[22:22:24] Flyspeck 42: Roosevelt Blvd
[22:22:24] Flyspeck 42: ?
[22:22:28] alert the mute: 2101 market street philly
[22:22:35] alert the mute: 30th street train station philly
[22:22:42] Flyspeck 42: the boulevard is probably closest
[22:22:47] Flyspeck 42: but keep going
[22:22:53] alert the mute: 8800 essington avenue philly int'l airport
[22:23:01] Flyspeck 42: ...I wish it was the sixties, I wish we could be
[22:23:06] Flyspeck 42: Radiohead - Paranoid Android
[22:23:10] alert the mute: :)
[22:23:10] eviltyph: half right
[22:23:12] Flyspeck 42: wait
[22:23:15] Flyspeck 42: don't say it
[22:23:16] eviltyph: you get another guess
[22:23:17] eviltyph: okay
[22:23:30] Flyspeck 42: The Bends
[22:23:30] eviltyph: I wish, I wish, I wish that something would...HAPPEN
[22:23:32] eviltyph: yup
[22:23:36] eviltyph: that song rocks
[22:23:41] eviltyph: that whole album rocks
[22:23:44] Flyspeck 42: that's all
[22:23:58] eviltyph: I wasn't keeping track, but good work
[22:24:00] Flyspeck 42: was that it, Phal?
[22:24:34] Flyspeck 42: I got like ten
[22:24:52] Flyspeck 42: I should do one of those things
[22:24:53] eviltyph: I'd tell Phal to get it, but he'd probably get all the
             same ones
[22:25:13] eviltyph: yeah, just write a script that steals all the titles from
             your LiveJournal posts
[22:25:16] alert the mute: ya
[22:25:21] Flyspeck 42: ha
[22:25:22] eviltyph: hell, steal the posts too, it'll be funny
[22:25:39] Flyspeck 42: I haven't posted in that in a while
[22:25:47] Flyspeck 42: the boulevard one was the closet, Phal
[22:25:53] eviltyph: your life's boring anyway
[22:25:58] Flyspeck 42: yeah, it is
[22:26:01] eviltyph: don't post anything until you've penetrated your
[22:26:09] Flyspeck 42: ha
[22:26:11] eviltyph: then we'll make it a national holiday
[22:26:17] Flyspeck 42: that'll be a while
[22:26:22] eviltyph: okay, third base then
[22:26:27] eviltyph: any fooling around below the belt counts
[22:26:39] Flyspeck 42: or I could just have her listen to Bright Eyes for
             hours on end
[22:26:44] Flyspeck 42: she'd probably want to fuck me eventually
[22:26:48] eviltyph: well, that's pleasant too
[22:26:53] Flyspeck 42: well
[22:26:59] Flyspeck 42: she'd really want to fuck Conor Oberst
[22:27:06] Flyspeck 42: but I'd be the closest thing in the vicinity
[22:27:08] eviltyph: heh
[22:27:32] eviltyph: learn a Bright Eyes song on guitar and vocals
[22:27:33] eviltyph: and do it for her
[22:27:39] eviltyph: and get laid so fast
[22:27:46] Flyspeck 42: ha
[22:27:51] eviltyph: even if it sucks
[22:27:52] Flyspeck 42: I can't sing and I can't play guitar
[22:27:57] eviltyph: I thought you played guitar?
[22:28:05] Flyspeck 42: I do
[22:28:09] eviltyph: and Conor doesn't really sing most of the time anyway
[22:28:13] Flyspeck 42: badly
[22:28:20] eviltyph: well, work on it
[22:28:21] Flyspeck 42: really, really badly
[22:28:32] Flyspeck 42: I need a guitar for dummies book
[22:28:38] eviltyph: Jon, you still looking for transportation?
[22:28:51] eviltyph: give up and join the convo
[22:28:57] Flyspeck 42: some Bright Eyes song or other has a baby crying in the
[22:28:58] eviltyph: anything we arrange is a ways off anyway
[22:29:02] Flyspeck 42: it pisses me off so fucking much
[22:29:20] eviltyph: okay
[22:29:36] Flyspeck 42: ha
[22:29:48] eviltyph: the clocks at the beginning of "Time" kind of piss me off
             too, I guess
[22:30:06] eviltyph: especially when I used to listen to all my music with
[22:30:10] Flyspeck 42: fucking babies
[22:30:16] eviltyph: er, yeah
[22:30:24] Flyspeck 42: not literally fucking them
[22:30:27] eviltyph: let it all out
[22:30:37] alert the mute: i'm still loking
[22:30:44] alert the mute: i have work tomorrow morning so i'm gonna crash
[22:30:45] alert the mute: peace dudes
[22:30:53] eviltyph: okay, later
[22:30:58] eviltyph: you bastard who already left
[22:31:02] Flyspeck 42: bitch
[22:31:09] eviltyph: :'(
Session Close (Unholy Trinity): Mon Jul 05 22:31:14 2004